I haven’t been myself lately.
I’d like to blame it on an increase of time spent on public transport – sitting within arms distance of strangers who are heavy handed with deodorants and perfumes or the ones sipping strange chemicals in the corner.
I know that this is not the culprit. It’s not the big black dog on my shoulder or the ever present social anxiety with its hints of unnecessary paranoia.
It is nothing more than stress.
Stress presents itself in many different forms. It can be anything – from nail biting and fidgeting to pulling out chunks of hair, fighting and mental or emotional breakdowns. It doesn’t matter how they appear – all that matters is how you decide to handle them.
Like many other humans, I tend to struggle with stress eating – an issue that was starting to stress me out more than the situations that caused the initial stress. Now that I am trying to improve my health due to upcoming marriage celebrations, stress eating is no longer an option. This is not a problem right now as my current method of coping has removed the majority of my appetite.
Unfortunately, I do not enjoy my new coping methods. I have found myself becoming distant. No more than a shell of myself. I seem to have misplaced all sections of my brain that specialise in logic and deep thought. It feels as though I am just mentally floating around on a cloud of unconsciousness, unable to turn or focus on anything besides the current situation.
I’ve considered my options, and I am weighing up the pros and cons of living in, essentially, a zombie state.. it all seems like a weird kind of perfect..But there’s just one thing that I need.